HUMOR

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Have you heard the one about the...

1) If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day. If you teach a man to fish, he can always eat.
If you give a man a fire, he's warm for a day. If you light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.
Submitted by: Anonymous   http://iteslj.org/c/jokes.html

2) What is the longest word in the English language? SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!" Submitted by: Kevin Penner  http://iteslj.org/c/jokes.html

3) A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.
Submitted by: Anonymous  http://iteslj.org/c/jokes.html

4) What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip).

• Telegram
• Telephone
• Tell a woman

Perhaps not very politically correct in the times we live in, but worth a slight chuckle.
Submitted by: Dave & Brendan   http://iteslj.org/c/jokes.html
EDITOR'S NOTE: Maybe you could teach your students the phrase "politically correct" and discuss it.
5) A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?" God: "Wait a minute."
Submitted by: Freshteh Sadeghi  http://iteslj.org/c/jokes.html

6)  An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.

"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home".

Submitted by: Willaim Greaves  http://iteslj.org/c/jokes.html
8) Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".  Student: I is the...
    Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
    Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Submitted by: Monirul Hassan  http://iteslj.org/c/jokes.html

9) Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
Submitted by: Tshifhiwa Rambau  http://iteslj.org/c/jokes.html

10)  Q: What travels around the world and stays in a corner?           A: A stamp.
        Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?      A: A blackboard. 
http://iteslj.org/c/jokes.html

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¿La lengua castellana es machista?

Zorro  =  Héroe justiciero.
Zorra  =  Puta.

Perro = Mejor amigo del hombre.
Perra = Puta.

Aventurero = Osado, valiente, arriesgado.
Aventurera = Puta

Cualquier   = Fulano, Mengano, Zutano.
Cualquiera = Puta.

Callejero  = De la calle, urbano.
Callejera  = Puta.

Hombrezuelo = Hombrecillo, mínimo, pequeño.
Mujerzuela    = Puta.

Hombre público = Personaje prominente. Funcionario público.
Mujer pública    = Puta.

Hombre de la vida = Hombre de gran experiencia.
Mujer de la vida    = Puta.

Puto = Don Juan.
Puta = Puta.

HEROE = Ídolo.
HEROÍNA = Droga.

ATREVIDO = Osado, valiente.
ATREVIDA = Insolente, mal educada.  
 
SOLTERO = Codiciado, inteligente, hábil.
SOLTERA = Quedada, lenta, ya se le fue el tren y se le pasó el arroz.

DIOS   = Creador del universo y cuya divinidad se transmitió a su Hijo varón por línea paterna.
DIOSA = Ser mitológico de culturas supersticiosas, obsoletas y olvidadas.

SUEGRO = Padre político.
SUEGRA = Bruja, metomentodo, etc.

MACHISTA = Hombre macho.
FEMINISTA = Lesbiana.

DON JUAN = Hombre en todo su sentido.
DOÑA JUANA = La mujer de la limpieza.